Confession: Im a single woman, and Im best friends with someone Ive dated.
In a perfect world, boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love and they get married and live happily ever after.
Theres no baggage, no crazy exes to contend with and no friends of the opposite sex to get jealous about.
But back to reality: Everyone has baggage, hooking up has become more common than dating and friends with benefits have become the norm.
I get it. I really do.
You meet someone you like, everything is going great and then you find out hisbest friend is someone of the opposite sex whom he’salso seen naked.
Its less than ideal, and Ive been there before myself.
The last guy I seriously dated was also best friends with his ex.
His ex used to be an adult film star, and she was still in love with him.
I stupidly accepted hisfriendship for what it was because of my own friendship with a guy I had dated.
I didnt want to be a hypocrite.
I liked my ex enough,soI wanted to give my boyfriendthe benefit of the doubt and make things work.
Of course, my situation went up in flames when he dumpedme because his ex slept over at his house one night.
So I was saying, its less than ideal.
If the person youre dating is shady, hisbest friend relationship will likely cause more trouble than it’s worth.
But if you’re assuming youre dating someone decent and trustworthy who happens to be friends with an ex, what do you do?
To state the obvious, theres only two logical choices: accept it, or give him hiswalking papers.
But most people (especially women) choose a less talked about third option.
It’s an option that never works and causes the most heartbreak for everyone.
These women pretend to be okay with thebest friend arrangement.
They lay on the charm when they meet the friends, only to try to get rid of the friends once they think theyve roped in theirboyfriendsenough to manipulate them.
Nice try, ladies.
It hasnt worked for all the ones who came before you, and I can assure you it wont work for you, either.
Here are fourreasons youshould to stop feeling threatened by me:
1. Were strictly platonic.
I know everyone says that, but seriously.
Weve been friends for far longer than we’ve ever dated, and the thought of doing the horizontal tango with him now kind of makes me throw up in my mouth a little. (Im sure you like it just fine, though.)
He hasnt seen me naked in half a decade, and weve even slept in bed next to each other drunk on countless occasions without anything romantic transpiring.
Like I said, we’re strictly platonic.
2. We have boundaries.
Speaking of sleeping in the same bed together, thats something we would never do and have never done when were seeing other people (even though its strictly platonic).
Weve both had semi-serious relationships since we became just friends, and we have unwritten rules about what is and isnt allowed when were dating other people.
Im not looking to infringe on your girlfriend territory, as long as you dont infringe on my friend territory.
If we wanted to be together, we would have been.
Ive been there and rode that ride.
If I had wanted to pursue a romantic relationship with him, I would have (and vice versa).
Some people are simply better off as friends.
If we havent decided to take our friendship to another level during the past five years before you came around, do you really think we’re reallygoing to cross that line when hes dating you?
3. Its not just about us anymore.
Hes been there for my 4-year-old son since the day he was born, and I spend the holidays with his family.
I was in his brothers wedding, for hell’s sake.
By trying to get rid of me, youre not just trying to ruin our friendship, but youre also trying to break up a family.
For all intensive purposes, were family at this point.
Think about all the people youre impacting before you do something stupid and try to cut me out.
Ill get on his ass if hes a dick to you.
Newsflash: Sometimes guys are assh*les, and sometimes women are crazy.
By having me around, you automatically have a female in your corner who will tell him to stop being a dick if he mistreats you.
Likewise, he has no trouble putting me in my place when I jump onboard the crazy train when Im in a relationship.
4. You wont win. Period.
Others have tried before you and failed miserably.
If I had a dollar for every time someone hes dated has pretended to be okay with me upfront, only to sink her teeth in me once she’s got him whipped, Id have at least $5.
Im not going anywhere, and neither is he.
If you dont like it, your only options are to deal with it or leave.
If youre one of those people who doesnt want your significant other having friends of the opposite sex, I totally get it, and thats completely respectable.
Its always up to you to set the standards and boundaries youre willing to accept in your life and in your relationships.
Im a firm believer that people should never settle for something theyre unhappy or uncomfortable with.
All I ask is that people start being upfront about their intentions and what their agendas are.
If you cant handle the fact Im best friends with someone Ive dated (or vice versa), voice your opinion and then walk away so you can find someone who meets your standards.
But please, save our time and your own, and stop with the underhanded manipulation in an attempt to break up afriendship.
Its not a winning situation, especially for you.
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