The struggle is ALL TOO REAL.
1. So, you have a self-proclaimed cheese addiction.
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2. As such, you realize pizza is the actual embodiment of perfection in an otherwise imperfect world.
3. Some of your friends claim you have a problem.
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4. To avoid obesity, you decide to cut out pizza from your diet.
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5. Your new meals consist of a lot oflettuce.
I am this dog. I’m eating, but I want you to know I’m not happy about it.
6. Your friends try to suggest healthy versions of pizza to ease the pain. This only creates more animosity.
7. because a cauliflower crust is NOT a pizza crust.
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IT JUST ISN’T.
8. You begin to resent what used to be your favorite holiday: Office Pizza Party Day.
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9. Because you know that even one bite will result in a relapse.
10. You start to get irrationally angry whenever you see pizza left uneaten.
Because it is a sin.
11. Everyone’s face suddenly begins to morph into the thing you crave most.
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12. You find yourself waking up from a cheese sweat nearly every night.
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13. On your cheat day, you hit a low point and eat pizza for lunch and dinner.
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and also after the bar.
14. One day, you come home to an intervention. Your friends and family can see you’ve been suffering.
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15. You decide to give up, finally coming to terms with the fact that true love cannot be denied.
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16. You may even get quiz results confirming what you know in your heart to be true.*
*based on actual events.
17. You then live out the rest of your days in bliss, with the perfect slice of heaven.
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Live long and prosper, my friends.